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I need your opinions on what to do about a girl :(
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by
on 2008-05-19 07:05:00 |
| Hi, I'm having a bit of a girl problem :P. So I want to hear others opinions on it :D. Okay, so I met this really cute girl at school, we are currently in grade 11. I've seen her around in grade 9 and 10 but haven't spoken to her, during grade 11 she started coming up to me and chatting with me so I started to chat with her in the library after school for about an hour, and she initiated the convos on msn first for the past 5 months :D. We spoke everyday during school and at home on msn. After a month into it she told me she liked someone, and I told her I liked her :P. She seemed very sorry and everything went back to normal for the next 5 months, she knew for those 5 months that I liked her.So after a total of 6 months chatting with her and helping her with homework and at, as soon as second semester started everyday after school at the library she'd stare out the window and not say a word. Every single day she would come to the library and say "I'm tired" to me, so I would try to cheer her up by playing some games with her, making her laugh, looking at books,movies, and going home just to burn her movies to watch when she gets bored at home. So it's been 7 months in total, after second semester it's like she's totally ignoring me, she sits there and doesn't look at me at all, she stares out the window. I was curious so there was one day I didn't talk at all to see if she would talk first, in the end it was an hour of no talking and her parents came, all she said that day was "Bye". Whenever one of my other friends come to the library she talks to them like she spoke with me when we first met, and when my friend leaves she goes back to silence. It feels like I'm just an object that sits at the library now, she doesn't really even notice me, and she always complains about being tired to me. One of my friends got mad at me cuz he cared, he told me to stop trying, so finally I began to walk home after school, and it's been 2 weeks of not seeing her at all. She wrote on my facebook "how are you, I don't see you anymore". So yea.. am I doing the right thing? Because I don't want to get hurt, so letting me forget about her and letting her forget about me would really help wouldn't it? I don't feel like I'm being treated properly as a friend by her either :(. |
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Re: I need your opinions on what to do about a girl :(
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by
on 2008-05-19 11:34:10 |
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Be quick to remind her, albeit kindly, that it was her actions that caused you to stop going to the library. Does she still like this guy that she mentioned? Perhaps it would be a good time to reiterate your feelings for her. If she responds, you'll have your answer. If the situation continues as it is now, I would forget about her and move on. But it never hurts to try.  |
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Re: I need your opinions on what to do about a girl :(
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by
on 2008-05-19 11:36:32 (edited 2008-05-19 11:37:45)
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Ok, trust me on this. Your female fren likes you as a friend, and nothing more. What's she's doing now does hurt, and it's hurting both you and herself, and she knows it as well. But that's the only way she knows how to handle the situation.. and probably it's a wise step on her part. In the past, she obviously liked chatting with you, and thought of you as a friend that she could open up to, but that was all. Well, after your confession, she could have continued on chatting with you as usual, but that would give you the wrong impression. What she wants now is to resume the old friendship, but she doesn't know how to, without hurting you even more by giving you false hope. So after 2 weeks of you guys not seeing each other, she got a bit worried and she sent you a message cos she still cares as a friend, but really, nothing has changed. Don't waste time pondering over her words and actions, cos it's really clear how she feels. Even though she did not blatantly say that she does not like you 'that way', logically, a girl who reciprocates a confession will not act in this way. What you can do now, it depends on yourself. You can start by saying how hurt you're feeling cos she's ignoring you. Ask her if this has anything to do with your confession, and continue to ask if she only thinks of you as a friend. A word of caution.. try to talk to her slowly, dun go all emo cos that'll scare her away. After that, well, if you find it in yourself to resume the old friendship, tell her that you've given up on her, and "can we resume talking like we used to?" If you need more time, you can tell her that as well. She will understand, but expect her to respect your wishes and she'll probably have minimal contact with you until you start approaching her again, after your heart has healed. Although, a final word, nothing is permanent. Continue being friends with her, show that you care, but do not be to pushy (e.g., love-sick puppy). Nobody knows what will happen in the future.     
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Re: I need your opinions on what to do about a girl :(
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by
on 2008-05-19 18:19:04 |
Yes, trust BKno9-san, I was about to type kinda the same ^_^... better times will come pal~! have fun in the meantime!   |
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Re: I need your opinions on what to do about a girl :(
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by
 
on 2008-05-20 01:32:57 |
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Hmm... personally I'll think that she doesn't see you the way you see her (as a girl you are in love with?) but as good friends, someone she can talk to. At times, a confession can breakup a good friendship because both are at the loss at how to react after the confession. Now, the best advice anyone can give you (yes... like they all mentioned above) is to commmunicate with her. Tell her how you are feeling (sad and lonely that she doesn't talk to you that much now, and maybe the reason why you are no longer going to the library after school but do try to not make her feel guilty as thats not your intention) and that you'll like to go back to the good old days if she wanted to. The fact that she still have concerns for you as a friend is shown by her message to you over on facebook. If she didn't wanted to befriend you anymore, she probably won't bother... I know I wouldn't! >_< Hope you get things sorted out with her soon and do come back and tell us how things went~  |
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Re: I need your opinions on what to do about a girl :(
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by
on 2008-05-21 12:44:43 |
| Lol, thanks a lot people for your support. I forgot to mention something big. The first month of us becoming friends I asked her if she liked anyone and she said ya. She is a very shy and short girl :P. All my friends say she's cute so do the girls :). She's probably the nicest girl I've ever met in my life, until she changed, which was really shocking for such a person like her. It's not even about me wanting a relationship anymore, all I wanted was the old her to atleast treat me as a good friend like I treat her, the reason I left was cuz actually after all of second semester 5 months so far of trying to cheer her up I felt sick inside and even wanted to cry but can't. So as far as this goes I can't even keep her as a friend even if I wanted to, it's not even aobut trying to get her anymore. Yesterday I also asked ehr if she cared that I like her, she replies "I don't know" and says nothing afterwards, the way she said it was very plain like someone casually talking with you and that their question had no significance what so ever. So that killed me inside, that was the day I was hoping she'd atleast care about after I came back. In the end I just said "cya then" and she said "bye" without any care, I do not know what I could've done. |
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Re: I need your opinions on what to do about a girl :(
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by wind-spear5
on 2008-05-21 21:15:14
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I had a similar situation fall upon me once. Back in Gr10 I met this girl, I didn't think much of her at the time she was just there. Anyways a year later I'm in another class with her, and at that time I began talking with her and her friends at the time. We would later have a small friendship going. What I mean by "small" is how close I was to her because we never hung out when out of school with only one exception, and that happened during Easter. Anyways Gr11 went by rather quick, and the summer went by then enter Gr12. At the beginning of the year it sort of continued onwards where things left off at Gr11. The year went on, but I began to grow distant from her and her friends throughout the semester, and then after Christmas passed I had completely grown distant from them, and kept my interaction with them to a minimum. Semester 2 begins, and now I'm a loner once more hanging out wherever I could just to pass the time during the mornings(before classes begin) and lunch periods, and I would sometimes say hello to her and her friends, and that would go on until March then I completely stopped talking to her and her friends altogether. Ironically I still had feelings for her even though I tried to kill those very feeligns, and I wanted to tell her how I felt, but something was holding me back. In the end I never did confess to her I just continued onwards with life and try to focus on my acedemic career rather than personal issues. Moral of the story: Don't make the same approuch as I did |
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Re: I need your opinions on what to do about a girl :(
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I sense from what you are saying that you would like for her to at least acknowledge your feelings for her. I am not sure if the situation is that easy for her. She may only like you as a friend and doesn't know how to handle telling you that without breaking your heart. Back when dinosaurs ruled the world and I was in the 11th grade I was in a similar situation. There was a girl I hung out with everyday with the rest of my friends and we always had fun together but I only wanted to be friends with her. She found out her family was moving and she told me she liked me a lot. I didn't know what to say to her but I knew I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I told her the truth. I told her I liked her too but not the way she liked me. I told her she was fun to be around but I couldn't be in a relationship with anyone. (I was also scared to death of being alone with her) She cried alot and then she told me she never wanted to speak to me again. I know you say that you don't care anymore but if she showed the slightest bit of interest I think you would change your mind. It's not that easy to get rid of feelings. I do not know the girl you like but if she has not expressed any romantic interest in you and you still want to be friends with her, you have to accept that there is a chance she may never see you the same way you see her. If you can get over not being her boyfriend then let her know that you just want to be able to at least make her smile or get a laugh out of her. If you do not think you can be her friend and not be her boyfriend then don't leave her twisting in the wind. Either way you have to tell her the truth about how you feel. The truth is good for her to hear and for you so you can at least mentally start the process of moving on if she is not interested.  Good? Bad? I'm the guy with the gun. - Ash, Army of Darkness |
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Re: I need your opinions on what to do about a girl :(
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by
on 2008-06-22 07:04:53 |
| Well, I don't see it as my fault I guess or her's either. I knew when she came up to me first it was because she wanted to be friends. She already liked someone else long ago, so you can't expect much Razz. Anyway I don't think all girls are like that, only the one's who want to rub it in your face are like that I guess : /. I actually went back and I've decided to stay there with her in the library even if she does make me sad. What's the point of not seeing her? If i had a class with her it would just cause more problems, I'm just going to deal with the fact that I'm being treated this way, and I'll eventually get use to it I hope. I honestly don't think avoiding someone you like is a good idea :/. |