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A sense of hope please....
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by Tasuki17502
on 2005-09-27 17:42:09
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Hello. I have been popping up now and then in these forums, and everyone seems like very kind people. I come in a time in my life that is very difficult. I guess I am seeking some sort of hope or comfort, and I can't seem to find it around me at the moment. I would normally not start a topic with something so upsetting, but I am on my knees. My friend's mother has been fighting cancer for roughly ten years. It has been an off and on situation, and for the past month or so I had not been in close contact with my friend and I assumed everything was okay. I recieved a phone call from my friend, and she was obviously very upset about something. Her mom is in the hospital, and can no longer eat. The doctors say that she will not live long. Not only that, but my friend is acting very distant and refuses to let out any emotions to anyone about it. I am not sure what I should do. I don't want to jump into her privacy, but I don't want my friend to just suffer through the time and feel like knowbody cares. If anybody has any advice or experience on this kind of thing it would be a great help to know. I have no idea what I should do. ~Tasuki17502 |
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Re: A sense of hope please....
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| This is a very troubling issue indeed. Whenever this kind of incident happens to anyone, it is rough to do anything. What you need to do is keep your distance, but not too much. You should tell the friend, that you're there for them, and if thy need anything at all, you'll be there. You also have to be strong for the both of you. You got to give support and try to be calm about the whole ordeal. You should also try and cheer up your friend. Whenever something serious like this happens usually people don't like talking about it. You need to keep a smile on her face, and lift her head up. If you still need more advice you can repost or snd me and e-mail Dudeman7459@yahoo.com. I will try and help in any way I can. |
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Re: A sense of hope please....
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by StriderNeko
on 2005-09-28 02:32:57
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It is indeed hard to do anything when your friend won't open up over it; A co-worker of mine right now just had his wife diagnosed with Breast Cancer; Though the surgery (performed this very Monday) went well, apparently her lymphnodes are still cancerous, which means chemotherapy is coming for her... My co-worker is kind of reluctant to talk about it (He tries his best to keep his home life private), but I make every effort to remind him when it comes up at lunch or just talking, that I'm there if he needs anything done around the house, or just needs to talk about it, etc...; Sometimes just asking about the procedures and then acting as a sounding board, letting them tell you about the what's going on, helps ease their stress, I find; That's one of the best things you can do, is to be there as a friend; She may not want to talk about it, but if you're there to help, and make sure she knows you're available to be a sympathetic ear, when she needs one, you're helping already; ~StriderNeko |
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Re: A sense of hope please....
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Make sure that she knows you're there for her, but if she doesn't want to talk about it, don't push it. I myself am a very private person, and I hate talking to people if something is bothering me. I've tried a few times, (because everyone says you should, mostly) and it never helped at all, it only made things worse. There's nothing more annoying than a well-intentioned person who keeps pestering you to "talk about it." Trust me. If she's anything like me, she wants a friend who won't pester her, but will simply be there for her.  |
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Re: A sense of hope please....
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by desertranger
on 2005-09-28 11:06:47
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Rin should really post this. I think you should go to her and give her a hug. Tell her she is loved and that she can depend on you for anything; talk, a place to spend the night (on a couch), company just being there for her might just be enough. The inmportant thing is to let her know you are there. She is going through a very difficult time. she may even have to make some incredibly sifficult choices. Right now she needs all the support she can get.  |
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Re: A sense of hope please....
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i really hope that everything turns out okay. even if her mother does pass away, be there for your friend and understand that she needs to know that her mom actually loves her, and that everything in this life happens for a reason. you don't even have to give her advice; sometimes it's even annoying when you just want someone to listen. be there for her, do everything you can, and i'm sure it will be okay. hang in there! we're all here if you need anything. <3
nya........... hehe.
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Re: A sense of hope please....
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by night_link
on 2005-09-28 12:05:30
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This situation's happened to me before. My mother passed away because of cancer that came back after the first time. She couldn't eat or speak and it was very difficult to get out what her last wishes were. I was like that too where I wanted to be alone the whole time and deal with it myself. Holding back tears and emotions is something I learned to do at an early age but that doesn't mean it's good for you. I think that is what she doing. Maybe it's intentionally or not, but at least let her know that even if she knows what she is doing, be someone that is there when she needs you most. I was stupid before about being alone before because it hurt people when I didn't know about it. But you want to know one thing? There is the saying that death ends a life, not a relationship. I mean that whatever happens, you're still there for her. If her mother does pass away, don't let your friend (or anyone close to her mother) be too focused on the pain and sorrow. I near did that and bad things started to happened to me. I'm happy now that my mother could end all the pain she had before instead of life on tubes. It wasn't easy to accept at first but I can't hold frustration too long. Tasuki17502, I'm glad that you can find help here in these forums. Your situation is not impossible, it happens to people everywhere. So there is always at least one person here to help you on whatever is on your mind. |
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Re: A sense of hope please....
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by
on 2005-09-28 17:03:24 |
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I'm sorry to here of your pain. I wish there was something more that I could say. Every one hre is correct. Just be there. You don't have to talk or make dinner. Just be there. *hug* My wishes go with you.  |
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Re: A sense of hope please....
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by Tasuki17502
on 2005-09-28 18:53:23 (edited 2005-09-28 18:53:50)
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Thank you so much for all of your advice everyone! It feels a lot better to know that I am not the only one in this kind of situation. Even though my mind knew that was not true I still felt very alone in this. My heart goes out to all of you for your help. There are not many words in life that could even begin to describe how thankful I really am. ~Tasuki17502 |