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Looking for a bit of hope. . .
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by Tasuki17502
on 2005-12-21 16:30:16
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Hey everyone. I don't know if this is allowed, but I don't see any real big rules anywhere saying I can't post it. I am just kind of looking for a shred of hope I guess. I am feeling really upset, and I have nobody to turn to now. The truth is, I am really depressed. I know this sounds really lame, and most of you probably don't want to hear it. I would normally keep these things to myself, but I just can't anymore. The problem lies within my father. I am only 14, so in the eyes of the courts I am still to young to make any choices for myself. My parents divorced when I was 11, and I have never liked my dad. He faught in court to force my mother and I out of our home, and forced me to live in a friend's basement for two months. He has belived lies about me, and thinks that I am not depressed or having any trouble in school. The truth is that I have the reading level of a 6th grader and I have ADD. Both of these give me a hard time both in and out of school. To top that off, I am depressed and getting sick due to it. That's normal I think. When somebody is depressed their ability to fight off illness just isn't there, and they get sick more often. That is just the background. Here is what has happened that brings me to posting about it. They had a meeting at school this Monday to see if there is anything that can be done to help me, and now all they are saying is for me to try harder and to stay healthy. I am failing all my classes except for math, and I have an A in that class. Why do I have an A in math? Because my teacher kicks almightly a** and she is letting me do the work that it takes for me to understand the content being taught. I started to cry at the end of the meeting because I felt so hopeless, and I was holding up a barrier to stay strong in front of my dad. My dad said, "Oh, Jamie, this is hardly the time and place to be crying. Suck it up." My response was, "Shut the hell up. I am stressed, and I dont even want you here in the first place. I want you out of my life." Also, the entire time he kept going on about how seeing my theirpist isn't helping, and that my mom and I should get rid of our cat or I should go live with him. I don't understand how living with my main stressor will help, and my sinus infections which are being caused by the cat will not be fixed by going over to live at his place, which HAS a cat! The final thing he did still has me in tears. He typed a letter to my theirpist saying that he no longer wanted me to be seeing her. Because he is so powerful and he is such a control freak my theirpist went to her lawyer to ask if it would be wise to keep seeing me, and her lawyer said no. Because she has a written request from him, she should do as he says and stop seeing me. Now I have no one. He has blocked his own daughter from help, and I am afraid that he will soon say, "I will not let her go on medication for depression until she lives with me." And being the heartless control-freak that he is, it will come to that. I dont even want to come to his funeral let alone see him alive. After all that he has put me through, and now he denies me the freedom of talking to a theripist. You know, sometimes I simply live for you guys who only know me online or otherwise. Right now is definately one of those times. I literally have nobody to talk to, and nobody to help. Like I said before, I am a bit destressed and confused right now. Part of me has no idea why I am even typing this up. I am just so messed up, and I need a bit of hope. Sorry if stuff like this isn't allowed, or I have somehow offended anyone other than my father. ~Tasuki17502 |
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Re: Looking for a bit of hope. . .
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by
on 2005-12-21 16:39:09 |
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OMG! That's sooooo sad! I don't want anyone to be depressed! If you need any advice, here are some: 1. Ask any people you know around your neighborhood (teacher, friends, etc.) 2. Try to ignore your dad 3. Don't make him mad/angry I hope these help! If you want more advice, just ask! I really want to help you in anyway!! I hope you feel better! *hugs* |
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Re: Looking for a bit of hope. . .
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by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2005-12-21 17:13:11
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T.T There's nothing we here can do, we can do nothing but be your friends and make you happy. I've asked some people in the depression thread to help, your case rivals that of Nightmare, except yours might be a little worse... You're a girl, and too many times has a daughter been raped by her father. Keep your distance from him if you can... I wish I could help more, but all I can do is type T.T  |
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Re: Looking for a bit of hope. . .
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by
on 2005-12-21 17:15:22 |
| Please stay away from your father, just like what he said! He might be very dangerous! |
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Re: Looking for a bit of hope. . .
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lets see, there isnt anything i can do, i think. but if there is let me know. for advice, i would go with what sachiel said, if anything else, report it to the cops, or child service, get someone to help you to report him, your mom, your friends parent, someone you think you might be able to trust. im not really good with advice, but maybe lady rin can help, she is really good.  |
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Re: Looking for a bit of hope. . .
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Wow, this is a tough one. Maybe you can hold some kind of rally or a petition to get more support from other people. You said your school had a meeting to deal with your problems right? I'm sure some, if not most, will support you. Get some attention. Your father might be able to control you, but not when you have people backing you up. I know that's a bit extravagant. In your personal life, you need to find people to talk to, mainly your friends. Let them know how much you're hurting inside. Also, you can also call groups like the Kids Help Phone (it's only in Canada, but you might be able to get help online), which are confidential and anonymous agencies that provide counselling for youths in distress. Also, I think the most important thing right now is fighting your depression. I know it's a chronic illness thing, not like a cold or a flu, and it can't be treated with just a few tylenol, but you gotta fight it. You have to keep telling yourself that your life is worth living, and no one else can determine how you live your life except for yourself. Many people have a scarred childhood, but they can grow up to be happy and successful members of society. Just remember that the fight's not over yet. And as strange as this might sound, us "internet friends" will be here for you. The most we can do is offer encouragement and listen. Sometimes it's easier to talk to people you don't know because then they can't judge you. I do that too, I tell things to people on the internet that I normally wouldnt in real life. Just take a deep breath and calm down. Beinf confused and distressed will not improve the situation. |
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Re: Looking for a bit of hope. . .
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by TheSubsect
on 2005-12-21 19:20:48
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| You could aways start fresh somewhere else away from your father |
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Re: Looking for a bit of hope. . .
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by OwdEe sh4H
on 2005-12-21 19:22:45
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i agree with what these ppl told you..firstly,u need to be calm n take cae of ur health.being healthy means u can do things better!! try to seek any help..sorry,i donno how u can do it but don give up!!we r here for u if u need any encouragement^_^   |
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Re: Looking for a bit of hope. . .
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by overlordsero
on 2005-12-21 22:08:47 (edited 2005-12-21 22:09:01)
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I feel so sad. I dont know what to say....just hang in there you will get through this. Do you have an e-mail? Plz tell me....I have to help. I dont like seeing people sad....makes me sad.... Your father sounds like a jacka$$. And you know what? You have gendou!!! You will always have us. Do you have any friends you can talk to? Who do you normaly stay with, your mom or dad? Cheer up, you will feel better. That way you can do better. Plz let me help....I have to. I'll tell you why. I have not grown up with a father in my life. I had to help my mom alot, and that gets very stressful when your a kid. I have been up and down emotionally. I have wanted to commmit suicide lots of times, tried 3 times. Theres more but I cant think right now. Or you can e-mail me: click my name it will tell you in my profile. 
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Re: Looking for a bit of hope. . .
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Just stay with your mom. Never go near him. If he tries approaching you go for a restraining order. You may only be 14, and can't do the legal stuff but your mom can. And confide your cat to a single room where it won't come in contact with you. One of my cats didn't get along with the other cats in my house, so it stays in my parents room. We let it outside occasionaly and its still a happy cat. And go to the depression thread that is where you can find us most of the time. We love to help and give advice.  Jomunga eats your avatars. |
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Re: Looking for a bit of hope. . .
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If that can work jomunga... Tasuki, what is the living situations with your mother and father. I used to study law a bit when I wanted to become a lawyer. Believe me, there are plenty of loopholes and it sounds like your father is abusing them. When I first read this it made me cry. Seriously, this happened to a male friend of mine. Except, it was the mother instead of the father. Please don't think about running away and suicide. I know those are some of the thoughts that might pass your mind, but are horrible decisions. Friends are usually the ray of hope. Also, try rping online or reading books. Usually, you can battle depression by building a small little world around you. Just do not get obsessed by it. Be weary of your father. It sounds like he is angry at your mother and wants you to shove it in her face. It doesn't sound like more than control. Like you said, he is a control freak and wants everything his way. I'm sorry I cannot help as much, but I will do my best to help in any way. |
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Re: Looking for a bit of hope. . .
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by
on 2005-12-22 01:34:00 (edited 2005-12-22 01:35:24)
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@tasuki,i'm not good at giving advices but i want to ask what made your father that angry?(sorry if this offend you,i'm just thinking probably somewhere along the line somthing happened to him and made him angry) really,someone should change the law so that younger people can speak up their minds too @Dudeman,loopholes?what kind of loopholes? |
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Re: Looking for a bit of hope. . .
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by
on 2005-12-22 06:21:00 |
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First of all there is nothing wrong with your post here although we usu8ally use the depression thread for that. You do have options and the law on yourside believe it or not. You can go to the courts yourself and ask that your legal guardian be changed. You can sue your father, there are lots of things. This is not going to be solved overnight however and there are people here who can give you suggestions on how to try and make your situation easier. Who knows maybe a solution can be found here. Please keep posting.  |
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Re: Looking for a bit of hope. . .
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by yuyue hirakiseira
on 2005-12-22 07:08:10
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where do you stay? if we know the country & there might be some of us know the law there it might make a different although it's not much
never regret for what you have done!!!!
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Re: Looking for a bit of hope. . .
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by AnimeAngel27
on 2005-12-22 08:13:38
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Depression is tough to deal with, I know for a fact. What ever you do you have to stay strong and you can't let that man get to you. You may not be old enough to make the decision in the courts eyes as to who you want to become your perminant gaurdian. But there are other things you can do legally and you do still have the same rights as every other citiscen does and you shouldn't keep quiet about what he's doing. There are helplines that you can call if your feeling overly frustrated with the situation and they're there to help you. I don't know the numbers off the top of my head but i will search for them and give them to you. I don't know how much this may help but you could try standing up to your father. Telling him what he's doing and how your feeling and tell him you need help and by cutting you off from medications and other things is only going to make you hate him even more. But this may only make the situation worse for you, doing something like that will have to take careful consideration first. Don't be too hasty. Rin is right things won't happen over night, but you can change things over time. And they may only be online friends but believe me you become attatched and you begin to care about these guys as if they weren't just "online friends" we may not always have good advice (or any sometimes) but we're there for you and we stand by you and just that gives some comfort no matter how down your feeling. I love these guys and they've helped me out numerous times. And I'm positive their support can help you too. I've ben diagnosed with depression and I still take medications for it but things have gotten a lot better for me (and I owe a lot of it to these guys here) so don't hesitate to ask us for help or advice cause we're here. Good luck and don't lose hope!
"Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have any film..." "Friends are the people who know everything about you and still put up with you!" "Nothing in life is free, even death costs us."
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Re: Looking for a bit of hope. . .
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by Tasuki17502
on 2005-12-22 19:12:42
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Wow, I actually recieved responses. That in itself is comforting. I feel kinda bad for not really putting as much of the current situation up as I should have. I hope this extra info will answer some questions. I don't know how many people are like this, but my dad seems to live in his own little world. That, and he loves to say "your mother is telling you to say that." In his mind, he believes that I am depressed because my mother is keeping me from seeing him. He also believes that I have a perfectly fine relationship with him. Because my mom and dad have joint custody over me, all "major desicions" (as said in the court documennt) must be made including both parents. I live in Virginia, and there are no set laws on an age where I can decide where to live on my own. My mother can just barely afford the townhouse that we live in, so moving or hiring a good laywer is just out of the question. I could get a Gaurdian ad Litem, but I had one hired by my dad a while back, and he spoke against me in court. However, my mother may be able to press charges for medical neglect. He has on several occasions said that I can't have medication or treatment for actual physical ilnesses. She could act using that in court if he says that I can't have anti-depression medicine. And as far as my knowledge goes, nothing set him off. This is how he always has been. He thinks he is perfect, and heaven forbid that anything he does is slightly wrong. He can threaten you, but if you threaten him you will be in BIG trouble. He has a lawyer who is very powerful, and my theripist would have actually ignored his threat if his lawyer was different. She has dealt with his lawyer before, and not many cases are won against him. If anything, I am the only one slightly willing to stand up to him. My mom is dead scared of him, and she is weaker emotionally, financially, and physically. He can beat her in any of those catagories, and possibly even more than that. Right now I am at my mother's, and I have no intention of going back to him. However, he has threatened my theripist and my mother that he will take me back by force. Both my mother and theripist suggested that he try to talk things over with me keeping an open mind to my opinions. But he just responded with, "I would much rather send the police over to get her for me than reason with her kindly." Scary thought is, that happened last X-mas, and the police had to follow through and make me see him. He HAS joint custody, and there is nobody that can stop him from saying that my mother is keeping me from him which ends up in me being depressed. The custody document says how much time I need to be at each place, and I have neglected to see him since August. When he did call to bribe me over to his place with money I told him that I no longer want to see him. I told him to get out of my life, but now he is just controling my life from the backseat. Part of me hopes that tomorrow (friday the 23) he will turn down anti-depressants. That way he might actually lose in courts for a chance. But he will always think that everyone else is wrong anyways. I am going to turn in for the day. I was out all day at a friend's place because my mom wouldn't let me stay home alone. I also have to go into school tomorrow (during break no less!) and do make-up work for being sick (due to depression, which was due to the work in the first place along with my dad!). I have to go in and get it all done because my father is having a meeting after my "break" to see if I am all caught up. If I am not, there is a chance that he will take action saying my mother is keeping me from him and causing him to fail, or something like that. I will probably check back tomorrow night. ~Tasuki17502 |
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Re: Looking for a bit of hope. . .
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by AnimeAngel27
on 2005-12-22 22:06:04
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That's horibble, it's high time someone took him down several notches and showed him there's no such thing as perfect! I'd like to come down to Virginia and give him a what for (I don't live that far, ne, can I stay with you for a weekend?!) There has to be loop holes here, your father can't hold ALL the cards, I mean besides the medicine, but you need good solid evidence to stand in court. You could start making a record of things that go on with your dad. Just pencil to paper sort of things like when he call's and word for word what he says. You could have your mother there to witness it and she can put her signature next to the records. It's not the most solid evidence in the world, but it's a start. I did this with one of my teachers who was giving me false assignments all the time and giving me false due dates so that I would turn things in late and I began keeping a record having someone there everytime she told me something, and they'd sign off on my little records and eventually I filled half a notebook and decided it was time to go to the principle's office and tell her all about what was going on... needless to say things stopped. With the medications you could try and have your dad sign a written response or a written refusal, most doctors offices will make him do it anyway so that he can't go back and sue them for negligance, but that would be perfect evidence for the court. Oh and a tape recorder if you can find one, might work as well... I'm no lawyer and I know very little about law, but what your dad's doing sucks and there's little things you can do to help yourself out. Just don't give up on hope and it own't give up on you... keep hanging in there!
"Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have any film..." "Friends are the people who know everything about you and still put up with you!" "Nothing in life is free, even death costs us."
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Re: Looking for a bit of hope. . .
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| Yes, that does sound like a predicament. Although, this is the situation I thought. What you could do, is try to get your therapist to send you your reports. Basically, proof of you having depression and needing medication. Also, start trying to record your father saying these things. Camera or tape player wise, just make sure he does not find out or he will be extremely mad. With enough proof he will lose a lot of credibility. You have to be careful though, as you said, his lawyer is very powerful. You do not want to even try to go against him in court without enough evidence as a bad and irresponsible father. You need to keep in mind what lawyer you get(later on, not right away). State appointed lawyers are usually horrible, they do not care for their job as better ones should. You really have to be careful in court though. Your father could try to use his trump card, which is the financial situations. Like I said, you need to record some of the things he say that seem deemable in the eyes of someone in power. |
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Re: Looking for a bit of hope. . .
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so your dad has a big shot lawer, and is holding almost all the cards. do what animeangel said record stuff, video tape things he does, you can also go to child service, they will listen and will investigate your father. |
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Re: Looking for a bit of hope. . .
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I don't think you need to record it. Just have a diary, and record what he says exactly and what day he says it. When brought to court it is good enough evidence, he can't just say your lying. Even his lawyer would advise him not to lie, it can screw him up if he does. So it is usually good enough. That and the therapist records too. One of these days Mr. Perfect will screw up, and you can use that against him. Just have all your stuff ready at your moms house when you get a chance. Jomunga eats your avatars. |
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